


Green Hanahaki

by Beautiful_Doom



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Hanahaki Disease, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24183316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beautiful_Doom/pseuds/Beautiful_Doom
Summary: Remus catches the deadly Hanahaki Disease. He accepts that he's going to die from it. After all, who could love him the way he loves them?
Comments: 41
Kudos: 122





	1. Flower Petals

He’d almost mistaken them for something else. Piece of his lungs, blobs of old blood. But something had compelled him to look closer, and he saw that they were much worse:

Flower petals.

Remus had heard about Hanahaki disease. To anyone else, there may have been hope, but... to him it was a death sentence. What side could love him the way he loved them? And he knew exactly which side it was.

“Fuck...” he said softly, wiping his bloody hand on the wall next to him.

This was just what he needed. Janus had left him all alone and now he had this stupid disease. He’d been hoping it had just been a cough, but apparently he couldn’t have anything good in this world. He had to be cursed with this stupid disease that would eventually kill him.

Remus sighed, sliding down the wall to the floor. What was he supposed to do? What could he do? Nothing, that’s what. There was nothing he could do because he’d need either surgery or for his feelings to be returned. But the chances of survival were slim at this stage, and he doubted even Logan knew how to properly do the surgery.

So both choices were out, leaving only one other: Die.

“Fuck!” Remus slammed his stained fist into the wall. Why him? Why did he have to be cursed? It was bad enough that Janus had left, leaving him alone in the Dark Side, and now he was cursed to die for his love for someone.

Remus stayed in the Dark Side for a few days after his discovery. Days spent wandering and crying and yelling and screaming. Days spent digging further and further into the pantry or fridge, looking for food that was still edible and mourning his inability to cook.

He didn’t think eating anything rotten would help his situation.

By now, the silence had grown to be too much, so he turned on the tv to play whatever. Just something to give his world some background noise.

His coughing had grown worse, and his chest rattled slightly with every breath. How fast did Hanahaki spread? How long did he have? Remus had no idea...

On the fourth day, he’d run out of edible food and debated on asking Patton to join the others for dinner. He’d tried to reconnect after Janus had left, but the fatherly side was still uneasy around him. Even if Patton had let him come to dinner, he was sure Virgil or his brother would chase him off. Maybe he could just ask for some leftovers? Some table scraps?

Or maybe he didn’t have to ask at all. It was late enough. Everyone would be asleep. He could just go grab something...

Remus didn’t bother teleporting. He needed to conserve his energy, so he took the stairs. He carefully opened the door and looked around. It was dark, but not as dark as his own living room.

He quickly made his way to the kitchen. He could smell what had been cooked for dinner, and it made his stomach rumble painfully. He opened the fridge slowly, trying to minimize his noise.

There!

A container full of roast beef and potatoes.

Remus’s mouth watered, eyes nearly tearing up with happiness. He reached up to grab it-

“What are you doing here?”

Remus’s breath caught, nearly triggering another coughing fit.

Virgil.

Dammit, out of all the sides to catch him, why did it have to be him?

“I...” Remus didn’t dare turn around. “I was just...”

“Are you poisoning our food?” Virgil growled? “Did you spit in it or something?”

“N-no...” Remus shook his head. “I was just...”

His hand was so close to the container. So, so close.

_Grab it and run. Grab it and run!_

“That’s Logan’s dinner,” Virgil crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. “You have food downstairs.”

No, he didn’t. He really didn’t have any food left. And he was so hungry...

“I...” Remus tried to say something, but what could he say?

_I have no food and I’m starving._

_I’m dying of Hanahaki._

He knew Virgil was not going to let him leave with this container. The purple side had grown protective over his new family, and he was still holding a grudge against Remus over all the crap he’d pulled in their past.

There was no sense in fighting.

Remus slowly closed the door, his stomach silently protesting.

“Leave,” Virgil said.

Remus tried to hide the way he was shaking as he walked past Virgil. Another coughing fit started as he got closer to the door, but he stifled it as best he could until he was downstairs again. All the while, his stomach still twisted and turned.

Three more days past, and the Dark Side had bloody smears all over. In the carpet, on the walls, on the furniture, in the sinks... everywhere. Little clumps of petals littered the ground. Remus had kept to himself. Part of him said he should tell the other sides what was going on, but another part of him feared how they would react.

He feared that they would react positively. That they would celebrate. That they would laugh and mock him to his face.

Maybe he could try one more time...

Remus washed himself and put on his usual outfit. He twisted his face until he was able to smile like he used to, so full of confidence and energy. A stark opposite to how he felt inside.

It was his last chance. This was going to take a lot out of him. He had to make this work. He knew he wouldn’t be able to convince the one he loved to love him back, but... he at least didn’t want to die alone.

He appeared in Roman’s room, smiling his smile. Roman was busy at his desk, quill clutched in his hand.

“Hey bro!” Remus put as much energy into his tone as he could.

“Remus,” Roman sounded annoyed. “What do you want?”

“Well... I was thinking,” Remus walked a little closer. “We haven’t really hung out in a while, so I was hoping-”

“Remus,” Roman interrupted. “I have a lot to do right now. Go bother someone else. I don’t have time to deal with you.

‘Deal with you.’

As if Remus were just some problem.

Remus cleared his throat, feeling the flowers petals in shake in his chest.

“O-Oh,” he said. “I see. Well, I’ll just... u-um... bye, Bro. I... I love you.”

He vanished before he could see Roman’s confused expression.

Remus then appeared in Logan’s room.

“Hey nerd!” He smiled. “Doing anything interesting?”

“I have three schedules to fill, a budget to finish, five appointments to file, and bank statements to look over,” Logan said. “Please leave.”

“Right,” Remus hadn’t put much faith in this anyway. “See ya, Nerd.”

Remus then appeared in Virgil’s room.

“Hey Virgil!”

**HISSSSSSSS!**

“Bye Virgil!”

And then he appeared in Patton’s room.

“Hey Patty!”

Silence.

Remus looked around to see the room was empty.

“Oh... guess you’re not here...”

He appeared in Janus’s room, hoping for a miracle. This was his last chance, and he was already feeling the effects of using up so much energy.

“Hey Jannie!” He smiled as big as he could.

Please see that I’m lying. Please see that I’m lying. Please just look at me!

Janus looked up from where he was working at his desk. Why was everyone so busy? What had happened to Thomas now?

“Remus,” Janus said. “I’m sorry, but I’m a bit busy now.”

“Everyone’s busy,” Remus said. “I was hoping you of all people had time for me.”

Janus at least looked a little guilty.

“I’m sorry Remus, but Thomas needs me right now. He’s going through something very big and very bad right now and we’re all trying to help him get through it.”

_I’m going through something very big and very bad. Why won’t you help me?_

“Oh,” Remus said out loud.

“I promise I’ll come see you when this is over,” Janus said. “Just give me a few days. We should be over the worst of it by then.”

_I might not have a few days..._

“Right,” Remus smiled. “I’ll hold you to that promise, Jannie. See ya!”

And then he was back in the Dark Side, collapsing to the floor in tears. Another coughing fit started, and he coughed and vomited blood and petals all over the floor.

“I’m going to die down here,” he sobbed. “All alone.”

He didn’t know why he thought it would go any differently. People like him didn’t get a happy ending. No one mourns the wicked, after all.

He summoned something, no longer caring about conserving energy. It was an old and worn green octopus plush. A gift in his younger days. A gift from Janus.

“You’ll stay with me, right?” Remus asked. “You won’t leave me. You’ll keep me company until the end...”

His plush offered no words of comfort or assurance. But then again, neither had any of the others...


	2. Multiple Petals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look at me reaching down to the bottom of the barrel to drag these stories back and update them...
> 
> WARNINGS FOR MENTIONS OF BLOOD, COUGHING UP AND VOMITING BLOOD, CHOKING, AND MENTIONS OF DEATH BUT NO ONE DIES

“Has anyone seen Remus lately?” Roman asked as he looked around. The others all glanced at him curiously. 

“He came to my room a few days ago,” said Janus. “I told him I was busy. I’ll go check on him when I get this done.” 

“He came to my room too,” said Logan. “Same results.” 

“He was in mine too,” said Virgil. “And I saw him trying to steal food last week.” 

“Steal food?” Roman repeated. “Why would he steal food?” 

“Who knows why he does half the things he does?” Virgil shrugged. “It’s Remus.” 

Right, it was Remus. 

And Remus wasn’t in the habit of visiting all the other sides in the same day. 

Nor was he in the habit of... telling Roman that he loved him... 

“I wouldn’t worry about him,” said Logan. “He’s no child, I’m sure he’s fine.” 

“No,” Roman shook his head. “No, something’s wrong. I... I feel it. I’m gonna go check on him.” 

“Suit yourself,” Virgil shrugged, turning back to his phone. “Have fun.” 

Roman opened the door to the Dark Side and walked down the long flight of stairs. As he got closer to the bottom, a strong smell filled the air. Roman gagged, covering his mouth and nose. He knew that smell. It was blood. 

Granted, it wasn’t all that unusual to smell blood in Remus’s presence. Roman was half convinced that Remus painted with it. Maybe Remus had summoned something or other and then disemboweled it. 

Roman finally reached the bottom and squinted his eyes slightly. It was so dark down here, there was barely any light. And it was cold too. Roman shuddered and looked around for Remus. He wanted to get out of here as fast as possible. 

He could see blood smeared on the walls and floor, flies buzzing around the bloody lumps on the carpet. A peek into the bathroom nearly made Roman lose his lunch when he saw how much blood was in there. What had Remus been up to? Roman needed to remind him to clean up. 

He finally saw a tuft of dark curls near the arm of the couch in the living room. There he was. 

“Remus?” Roman asked as he walked over. “What did you do? This place reeks and needs to be cleaned. I know you’re not big on it, but try to be considerate of others, please-” 

His words ended in a choked gasp. 

Remus was passed out on the couch, the floor in front of it soaked dark red. His breathing was very faint to the point that Roman could barely hear it. But what he could hear sounded very strained. Remus looked as if he hadn’t bathed in weeks, hair greasy and clothes stained with blood smears. 

Roman’s horror paralyzed him for a moment before his brain caught up to him. He needed to get Remus help. Remus was very sick! 

He picked Remus up and quickly carried him up the stairs to the Light Side, slamming the door open in his panic. 

“Logan!” He shouted. “Logan, I need help! Please!” 

He carried Remus into the living room just as Logan appeared. Logan’s eyes widened behind his glasses as he looked Remus over. 

“Set him down, let me see him,” he said. 

Roman did just that, setting Remus on the couch while a horrified Virgil and Janus watched. 

“Remus?!” Janus jumped up, knocking his work aside. “Remus!” 

“Stand back, Janus,” Logan was already taking Remus’s pulse a summoned a stethoscope. 

He pressed it against Remus’s chest and his eyebrows furrowed as he heard strange noises in Remus’s lungs. 

He opened Remus’s mouth and saw something stuck in the back of his throat, causing his strained breathing. It appeared that Remus no longer had the strength needed to cough it up. 

“Everyone move back,” Logan said, moving Remus into a better position. 

He performed the Heimlich maneuver a few times before Remus was finally able to cough up the lump. As he did so, he vomited blood and more lumps came out. Virgil was near hyperventilating, convinced he was about to see someone die right in front of him. Janus was crying, feeling sick as he looked at Remus’s poor state. 

Logan snapped the blood away, but picked up one of the lumps that had come out of Remus. 

“I need to see something,” he said. “Keep an eye on him and shout if anything happens. He’s breathing now, so he should be ok to sleep.” 

He left the room in its horrified silence. 

“I... I told him I didn’t have time for him,” Janus sobbed, covering his mouth with his hand. “I-I told h-him that I would come by when I w-was done. What if you hadn’t gone today? What if we had waited?” 

The implication hung heavy in the air, and Roman’s own guilt increased. He had sent Remus away as well. Told him he didn’t have time to deal with him. 

And all the while, Remus had been suffering. 

“Wh... what’s wrong with him?” Virgil finally asked. 

There was a loud gasp, and they all turned to see Patton standing there and staring at Remus. The mug in his hand slowly slipped and crashed to the floor, but Patton didn’t move, frozen in place. 

“I believe I may know what the problem is,” Logan said, coming back into the room with a bowl. 

“What is it?” Roman asked. “Logan, please... what’s wrong with him? Is he going to be ok?” 

“I’m afraid I can’t answer your second question,” said Logan. “As for the first...” 

He tipped the bowl over onto the coffee table and shook it. A wet lump of colorful petals fell out. 

“Oh God,” Roman choked. “Is that...?” 

“They were what he coughed up,” said Logan. “Those are flower petals. I’m afraid that Remus is suffering from Hanahaki Disease, and with how advanced it is... I’m afraid it’s too late to remove it surgically.” 

“H=Hanahaki?” Patton slowly moved closer to the group. “But... who is it? Who could it be?” 

“It’s more than one person,” Logan said. “These petals are all for different flowers. If it was just one person, it would be only one flower.” 

“So it’s more than one of us?” Roman asked. 

“We have no way of knowing who it is until Remus wakes up,” Logan said. “He’s severely dehydrated and looks malnourished as well. Virgil, go get the IV from my room and bring it down here. I’ll hook him up and get some fluids in him...” 

Virgil did as he was told, and Roman sat back, thinking over this new information. 

He had to do something. He’d never forgive himself if he let Remus die...


	3. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this one is pretty dark.  
> Warnings for graphic depictions of choking, blood, vomit, needles, thoughts about death, and hopeless thoughts.

Remus groaned softly as he struggled to wake up. 

It was strange, he felt very warm and he was lying on something very soft. Ah, so he had finally died, did he? He must have gone in his sleep... or whatever you called that weird passing out thing he did. Either way, he was dead now. Time to see where he’d ended up. 

He hoped he hadn’t left and could haunt the others as a poltergeist... 

But then he tried to sit up, and he felt something rattle in his chest. Those damn flowers, were they still there? Maybe he wasn’t as dead as he thought... 

Remus finally opened his eyes and saw that he was lying in some kind of comfortable hospital bed. An IV was hooked up to his wrist, giving him precious fluids and nutrients. Thank goodness for that. Coughing up blood could really dehydrate you. 

He managed to sit up a bit and saw that he was wearing different clothes as well. The blood stained shirt and pants had been replaced by a pair of comfy green pajamas. Speaking of blood, someone had washed him too. His skin was clean and smelled faintly of vanilla. 

Ugh, vanilla. That had to be Roman’s body wash. 

Speaking of Roman, his brother was asleep in a chair next to the bed. Where was he, anyway? He’d never seen this room before. Did the Light Sides just have some kind of spare room that they could use for anything? 

Whatever, he was too miserable to think about it. 

Remus swung his legs over the side of the bed, pausing to take as deep of a breath as he could (which wasn’t very deep). He needed to get out of here. He needed to get back to the Dark Side before someone saw that he was awake. He was not wanting to have any sort of tak about what was going on with him, least of all with the Light Sides who had all turned him away. 

His stomach gave a harsh hunger cramp, and he was glad to see the loud rumble hadn’t woken Roman up. He glanced at the IV stand and debated on ripping the needle from his arm. Well... it was actually helping him a little, but at this point, was there even any reason to prolong his suffering? He wasn’t going to get any better, so it felt like a waste. 

Remus gripped the needle and tugged it out quickly. His arm began to bleed, but he didn’t care. He was no stranger to blood, even more so since this damn disease had gotten him... 

Remus opened the door and glanced around. The coast was clear, but he had to be careful. He had four other people to avoid, and they could be anywhere. Remus kept his back pressed against the wall and his steps quiet as he made his way down the hallway. His arm was smearing blood on the wall, but he paid no attention. 

In retrospect, he probably should have been more careful since he was leaving a literal trail for the others to follow... 

But it didn’t matter because a peek into the living room told him that all the others were sitting around in there. Patton was clutching a mug with white knuckles, looking as if he had just cried every tear he could and now could do no more than sniffle. Logan was pouring over several books. Virgil was curled up with his headphones on, but Remus knew there was no music playing. Virgil often put headphones on as a sign that he didn’t want to be talked to, and Remus had long since learned the difference. 

Janus... Janus looked the worst of them all. 

He was missing his cape and long shirt as well as his hat and gloves, and he was wearing a baggy yellow shirt instead. Remus knew that was his comfort attire. Janus was also hunched over with his head in his hands, silently shaking. 

Remus pulled himself back around the corner and frowned. They were blocking his path to the door that led downstairs. How was he going to get out of here now? His thoughts were interrupted as something squeezed one of his lungs and forced an involuntary cough out of him. He covered his mouth in vain, and blood splattered against it and across the floor. 

“What was that?” He heard Patton say. 

Damn it, they heard him. 

Remus stumbled down the hall, once again leaving a trail along the floor as he continued to cough. He ducked into the first room that he came to, shutting the door behind him and praying that they didn’t find him. 

Again: Retrospect. Trail. Blood. 

Remus slid to the floor and pressed his back against the wall as he finally managed to stop coughing. His chest was burning now, feeling as if he had something crawling under his ribs, which he probably did. From what he’d read about the disease, the vines of the flowers would be moving a lot faster at this stage... 

He flinched when there was a knock on the room’s door. 

“Remus?” He heard Logan call. “Remus, we know you’re in there.” 

Remus’s hand shot out to lock the door just as he heard the knob start to turn. Leave him alone! Let him die in peace. You didn’t care before, why the hell would you care now? It just made it hurt worse, knowing that they only cared because they knew he was going to die. Where was this care long ago when he needed it? When it wasn’t too late? When he’d tried to get their attention... 

Remus couldn’t help the tears that welled up in his eyes and slid down his face. It hurt worse than the vines in his chest that they had been so quick to brush him off and now they were paying attention because they knew about is condition. It was as if they were trying now only because they felt guilty. When he finally passed... they probably wouldn’t spare him another thought. Just as they hadn’t before it got this bad. 

Remus wished he had his octopus plush with him. That octopus had always been his friend. But he had no energy to summon it, still feeling weak and already tired just from the walking he’d done. So it looked as if he wouldn’t even be able to die with his plush friend... 

“Remus?” the doorknob jiggled. “Oh, he locked the door.” 

“Remus?” Now Janus was speaking. “Remus, please let us in. We want to talk to you.” 

Talk to him? No one had wanted to talk to him before... 

Remus sniffled. Oh... that had been a bad move. 

Now he was coughing again, and he could feel another lump in his throat. He coughed harder, trying to dislodge it, and ended up moving to kneeling on all fours, putting his whole body behind his coughing as the lump slowly moved. 

Now he was choking, and there was a pounding on the door. Remus gagged, drool and blood dripping from his open mouth. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe! His limbs shook as he kept his struggles up. He could do this. He could do this! He... he could... 

But why bother? 

As he wondered before, why prolong his misery? Why not just stop and lie down and let it happen? 

He distantly heard the door crash open and then there were arms around his waist. Strong hands pressed hard against his stomach, pushing the lump in his throat along. He gagged and retched again, and after a few tries the bloody lump tumbled from his slack mouth. He was barely conscious at this point, and he sagged in the arms holding him up. 

He thought he could hear Janus crying again, but he couldn’t be sure. He was so tired... the darkness was calling him again, filling the edges of his vision, pulling him back to unconsciousness. 

Maybe this time he wouldn’t wake up...


	4. Remus's Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, this chapter was fun. I love writing emotional monologues.
> 
> Warnings for blood, gagging, hunger pains, nausea, dizziness, and stair related injuries.

When Remus woke up a second time, he was once again disappointed that he did.

He was back in that hospital bed, the IV needle stuck back in his arm. But this time, the bed had been enlarged to allow room for Roman to curl up next to him. Ugh, what was he doing here? Trying to cling to some sense of brotherhood that has long since died?

It was far too late for that...

Remus once again sat up and once again took the needle from his arm. Seriously, who kept sticking him with needles? Probably Logan. Always the doctor...

“Remus?”

Remus paused and looked over to give Patton a good glare. Patton was carrying a glass of water, holding it out to Remus.

“Huh?” Roman muttered sleepily. “Who’s there?”

“No one, Roman,” Remus managed to stand. “No one at all...”

“Remus, you should lie back down,” Patton said. “You’re not well.”

“Nah, _really?”_ Remus’s level of sarcasm would have made Janus proud. “I had _no idea,_ Patton. Now get out of my way...”

Patton stuttered as Remus literally pushed past him. He wanted to leave. He didn’t want to be surrounded by people who only cared because of their guilt. He was not just something to be used to east a troubled conscious. Let them be as miserable as he was, it was only fair.

“W-wait!” Roman rushed from the room to follow Remus down the hall. “Remus!”

“I’ll be out of your hair in a minute,” Remus said, not stopping or slowing down. “Then you can go back to your life, and you won’t have to deal with me anymore.”

“Deal with- Remus, stop!” Roman grabbed Remus’s hand and stopped him. “What are you talking about?”

Remus hissed his alligator hiss when Roman grabbed him. He struggled to free himself, but he was so weak from his hunger and sickness, the most he could do was dizzily pull against Roman’s grip.

“Let me go!” He shouted. “You don’t want me here, and I don’t want to be here! If I’m going to die, I’d rather it be in a place that doesn’t hold its coldness behind fake warmth!”

“Remus?”

Remus looked over to see Janus appear from the living room. Great, just what he needed.

“Remus, you need to get back into bed-”

“What are you, my mother?” Remus snapped. “The only thing I need to do is get out of here. I don’t want to be around you guys any more than I have to, and I don’t have to be around you _at all_. Let me go so that I can find a nice place to curl up and die.”

“Remus, please...” Janus was crying now.

And that just served to piss Remus further off.

“Don’t you-” he snapped his teeth at Roman, causing the other to finally let go of him with a yelp. “Don’t you dare start crying! You don’t get to cry! You don’t get to feel sad! None of you do!”

He summoned what energy he had left and made a last ditch attempt to sink out. He managed to do so, but he wasn’t able to go straight to the Dark Side. Instead, he popped back into existence in the living room, scaring the hell out of Virgil.

There was the door!

He tried to run to it, but his body was about ready to completely give up. His legs shook, and his mind swirled with dizziness as his body began to rebel against everything Remus was telling it to do. He fell to his knees and half crawled half stumbled to the door.

“Remus, please just wait!”

Remus fell against the wall next to the door, panting harshly. He knew he was about to push himself into another coughing fit, but he didn’t care. If he stained some more furniture with his blood, so be it. Still, he knew they would never leave him alone if he didn’t get it all out. They needed to hear a few things from him. Now was as good a time as ever to speak it.

He slowly maneuvered himself so that he was leaning back against the wall, glaring at the others who stood around the living room. They were all here. Good, he could yell at them all at once.

“What are you all crying for?” He snapped. “Why are you crying now? Huh? Because I’m dying? None of you... cared one bit about me when I tried to come to you for help. You all turned me away!”

He chuckled darkly.

“I always bring out the honesty in others,” he said. “And those reactions... oh, they were very honest. Very honest dismissal. Very honest in how no one cared...”

“Remus, we didn’t know-” Patton tried to explain.

 _“Doesn’t! Matter!”_ Remus shouted. “It shouldn’t matter that I’m dying! None of you had time for me! Patton, you’ve never had time for me! Logan, you’ve never had time for me, either! Roman, you haven’t had time for me since we were kids! Virgil, you haven’t had time for me since you left! And Janus...”

The other side flinched as Remus’s expression changed from anger to sadness.

“You... haven’t had time for me since Thomas accepted you. You traded me in for him. You tossed me aside for _him._ Well,” his eyes hardened again, “I wish you every happiness, Janus. You finally got what you always wanted. I hope they don’t do the same to you. I hope they don’t toss you aside like trash. I hope... that you never have to know what that feels like.”

Janus let out a loud sob as he covered his mouth. Guilt burned like a fire, and Remus was fanning the flames to burn harder. He couldn’t even deny it, Remus was correct in what had happened. Janus hadn’t even thought about how he had been ignoring Remus in favor of the Light Sides.

Remus wheezed loudly, blood trickling down his chin. He pressed a hand against his chest.

“No one cared,” he said softly. “No one cared that I had no food. No one cared that I was sick. No one cared... until they found out that I was dying. This care... these emotions... whatever you’re feeling now, it’s born of guilt and _shame!”_

He yelled the last part, a splatter of blood flying from his mouth.

“I even came up here for food over a week ago,” Remus wheezed a chuckle. “I’ve been starving for so long because I can’t make food for myself. I literally can’t. I just wanted something to eat, that was all. Just something to make the hunger sto-”

He gagged, feeling said hunger roll through his stomach. He still hadn’t eaten, and talking about food was making him nauseous. But like hell was he going to stop now...

“I... I wanted the hunger to stop,” he panted. “So I came up here for food. I wouldn’t have taken much, I would have been happy with table scraps!”

He turned his eyes to Virgil.

“You made me leave. You accused me of trying to poison the food. I just... I just wanted something to eat... and you wouldn’t even let me have a little food...”

He gagged again, feeling tears well up in his eyes. He angrily brushed them away and straightened back up to glare at them again, tears and blood staining his face.

“I came to each of you for help,” he said. “But you all told me that you were too busy. You didn’t have time to deal with me. Well... now you won’t have to worry anymore. Isn’t that wonderful? You’ll all finally be free of the enormous burden that is Remus Sanders!”

He weakly grabbed for the doorknob.

“When I leave, you can seal this door,” he said. “Put some nice wallpaper over it like they do in the movies! Seal it and let the downstairs be my tomb... and you’ll never have to think about me again. You’ll never have to be burdened by me again. Because at this point... I’d rather die with my plushie by my side than any of you...”

Roman seemed to know what Remus was going to do. He rushed forward with a cry of anguish, but Remus had already opened the door. With no strength left to walk, Remus let himself fall down the long staircase, hearing the door slam shut behind him. He rolled, fell, and smacked into the stairs, adding bruises and gashes to his body, but he didn’t care.

He finally hit the bottom and weakly sighed. It had felt good to unleash his hurt and his anger like that. It had felt good to yell at them all and call them out on their actions.

Remus finally let himself pass out. He didn’t have anything else to do anyway...


	5. A Friend for the End

“Remus!” Roman screamed as he pounded on the door. “Remus, open the door! Please!”

He began slamming his weight against the door, trying to open it. The others watched him, all unsure of what to say or do. They were were still reeling from what Remus said, realizing that all of it had been true.

“Remus!” Roman tried one more time before falling to his knees. “Remus, please... please open the door...”

His voice shook and his breathing hitched. He sounded as if he were fighting back tears. He then slowly stood up and cleared his throat, smoothing his hair back. He slowly and calmly walked over to Virgil, who looked up at him with wide eyes.

Roman took a deep breath.

“Is there... another way into the Dark Side besides that door?” He asked.

Virgil’s throat constricted, and he swallowed a lump down, hands shaking as he held his phone. He slowly shook his head, not trusting himself to speak.

“Ok,” Roman sighed. “Is there any other way to open that door?”

Virgil looked away and shook his head again.

Roman inhaled sharply and clenched his fists until the knuckles were white. He then stepped away from Virgil to address the others.

“Remus-” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “Remus... was right. We haven’t been treating him as we should. We always talk about acceptance and being a family... but we left him out in the cold. I hate... I hate myself right now. I should have been there for him like a real brother. I should never have... have let our relationship go this way.”

He cleared his throat again, pressing his fist against his mouth. He closed his eyes and was silent for a moment before he opened them again.

“How... How are we going to fix this?” He finally asked.

No one spoke.

 _“HOW?!”_ Roman roared. Everyone flinched.

“Roman...” Patton finally stepped forward, looking as if he were approaching a dangerous animal. “Kiddo... I know you’re hurting... I know this is a lot...”

“Patton, if the next words out of your mouth are not an idea of how to fix things, I will do something we will both regret,” Roman growled.

Patton gasped softly and stepped back behind Logan. Janus took that moment to approach Roman next.

“Roman... the disease has advanced beyond help,” he said. “And he is suffering from multiple flowers. I don’t think there’s much we can do...”

“There has to be something,” Roman said. “There is _always_ something. I gave up on him long ago, and I now see how much a horrible decision that was. I am not giving up on him again!”

“Roman!” Janus spoke louder. “This is not a Disney movie. There is no happy ending to be had here. Remus won’t even tell us who is causing the disease, and we cannot even hope to save him unless we know.”

“I know,” Roman choked out. “I know! I know... I just... I... I don’t...” he shook his head and wiped at his face. “I d-don't want him to die cold and alone. I want him to... I don’t know... I want him to have... have some kind of love and happiness before he goes. He deserves that at least.”

“And I agree,” said Janus. “But he’s locked the door, and there’s no other way down there...”

“There is another option.”

Janus and Roman both looked over at Logan, who looked to be deep in thought.

“Thomas could summon him,” he said. “If he summons Remus, he will have to answer it. He is far too weak to resist. We might be able to speak to him then, but the chances of him wanting to speak to us or even speaking to us at all... are slim to none.”

“We have to try,” said Patton. “Roman’s right. We were all so horrible to him in the past, and we never should have done that. We should have welcomed him just like how we welcomed Virgil and Janus. We shouldn’t have left him alone. He should have been up here with us!”

Patton sniffled loudly.

“I am ashamed of what I’ve done,” he said. “And... and I know that I should be. I should be very ashamed of letting this h-happen. Especially when I claim to... to take care of you all. Roman is right... even if we cannot help him, w-we... we sh-should at least m-make him comfortable until the end...”

He was gasping now, trying to fight back his own tears, but he looked determined at the same time.

“Let’s call Thomas,” he said. “We’ll get Remus back.”

Down below, Remus was stirring slightly. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but he knew that he hurt all over. Probably bruised a few ribs if not completely broke them. Or maybe that was the vines and flowers in his chest. He couldn’t be sure anymore.

He debated with himself if he should get up. He really didn’t want to. He wanted to just lie here until his end, but... he at least wanted his friend with him. The octopus plush he’d dropped in the living room. He wanted that plush with him when his time came.

Rolling over onto his front, Remus slowly maneuvered himself into a kneeling position. Standing was hard, and it took him three times before he could walk without falling. He still clutched the wall as he moved on, slowly making his way to the living room. He shuddered in the cold and distantly wished there was a bit more light...

He finally collapsed on the living room couch, the tv still showing nothing but snow and white noise. That was his life now. Nothing but white noise as he slowly broke down. He’d break down soon. He’d die soon. He just didn’t know how much longer he had.

Bending down was painful as it pushed the thorns in his chest against his lungs. He coughed and sat back up, waiting for the fit to pass. Be quick. Just reach down and grab it. Be quick and it won’t be as bad. Steeling himself, Remus quickly leaned down and picked up his plush, straightening back up and leaning against the pillows of the couch.

He did it. He had his friend with him. His only friend who had always been there for him. His friend who was covered in dried blood and had wilted petals stuck to him. Strangely enough, Remus felt comforted by its presence. He hugged the plush to his chest as much as he could without hurting and sniffled.

He was lonely, but he was no longer alone. He would have someone with him, even if that someone was inanimate...

Remus then flinched when he felt a tug. Thomas was summoning him. Those bastards, they drug Thomas into this?

Remus held onto his plush tightly, letting the summons carry him to Thomas. The sudden change of light as Remus appeared in the living room burned his eyes, and he quickly shielded them.

“Oh my god...” he heard Thomas say. “You guys weren’t kidding...”

Damn... well, time to face the music.

Remus lowered his arm from his face and glowered at them all while he hugged his blood splattered friend...


	6. Starved For Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usual warnings for this chapter: Blood, choking, vomiting, gagging.

“Is there any reason why I was so rudely summoned?” Remus asked. “I was very busy and you interrupted.”

“Remus... what happened to you?” Thomas sounded worried. “They... they told me you had some kind of disease-”

“Which they had no right to do!” Remus snapped. “I don’t want to be here, but they couldn’t just leave me alone!”

“Remus, you are dying!” Roman yelled. “Are we just supposed to ignore that?”

“You’ve been ignoring me just fine so far!” Remus glared. “Just keep doing what you were doing before. What’s so difficult about tha-”

He wheezed and fell into another coughing fit. He spat some blood onto the carpet and angrily wiped his mouth.

“I’m leaving,” he said.

“Remus, stop!” Roman grabbed Remus’s elbow, and Remus had little energy to shake him off. Hell, it was hard enough just to stand, his legs shaking slightly.

“Remus, I didn’t want to involve Thomas, but it was the only way to get you out of the Dark Side. We wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh really?” Remus snapped. “I wanted to talk to you too! Don’t you remember?”

_“We haven’t really hung out in a while...”_

_“I don’t have time to deal with you...”_

_“I love you...”_

Roman felt the crushing guilt as he remembered what he’d said. He wished he could go back and change his response. He wished he could go back even further and actually be a brother to Remus. But it was far too late. Roman was chasing the scraps of a feast, time running out for him to make things right.

“I want nothing to do with you,” Remus growled. “With any of you. When I’m dead, you can pick at my corpse all you want, but I’m going to die with some bit of dignity. I’m not going to beg you to pay attention to me, and I’m not going to let you all try to kiss my feet just so you can soothe your own guilty feelings. How... _DARE YOU!”_

The others flinched back at Remus’s shout. Blood sprayed from his mouth, making it all that much more unsettling.

“But then... I guess there’s one of you who might not be as guilty as the rest of you...” Remus glanced over at Thomas. “You didn’t know any better. They all fed you warnings and fears and all kinds of bullshit. True... you could have told them all to go to Hell and formed your own opinion like a responsible person... but they swayed you in the end.”

He gave a sad chuckle.

“I... I would have loved to help you,” he said softly. “There was a time when I would have given anything... _anything_... just for you to ask me for my help. Just for you to even look my way and see me. But... I guess it’s hard to see the shadow... when the light is so blinding. Shame... I really had some good story ideas for you...”

He shook his head and wiped at his eyes. Damn, he was getting emotional. He didn’t want to cry. He didn’t want to give these people his tears when no one deserved them.

“Remus,” Thomas stepped forward. “I... I’m so sorry. I actually... I wanted to accept you. I’ve wanted to do it for a long time now.”

Remus’s eyes widened as he listened.

“I was worried about the others not liking it and I wanted to keep the peace, so I kept my mouth shut,” said Thomas. “But I shouldn’t have. I should have made my own decisions and accepted you because you deserved it. I... I know it’s too late, but I don’t want you to die thinking that I didn’t care about you, because I do. I... I care about you a lot, Remus. You’re part of my family here... and I’m so sorry that I didn’t treat you as you deserved.”

Remus felt as if he might throw up. Sappy stuff did always make him sick.

Oh, but this felt different. He wasn’t bringing up the usual mess, this felt way too solid and hurt way more than usual.

Remus choked and began to retch and cough, bringing up more flower petals, but _these_ were all the same color. He kept coughing, feeling something slowly making its way up his throat. He once again couldn’t breathe, choking on whatever it was.

He felt hands on him and heard voices, but they all sounded muffled as if Remus were underwater. Someone was once again manhandling him, bending him over and slapping against his back to help him cough up what he was choking on. He was really getting tired of having to have someone help him with this. He was not going to miss it when he died...

He continued to cough and gag, blood hanging from his lips in slippery ropes. This lump was much bigger than the others, and it hurt way more. He struggled, quickly losing air and started to once again pass out...

But then someone shoved their fingers into Remus’s mouth and grabbed at his throat. Remus tried to push them away, but they held him still and pulled until whatever was choking him was pulled out completely.

Remus gasped, finally able to breathe again. The pain in his chest had lessened slightly.

“Patton, that was the one thing you do _not_ want to do when someone is choking,” he heard Logan said.

“It worked, didn’t it?” said Patton. “Look, it’s a flower!”

Remus weakly glanced up to see Patton clutching a bloody flower that was attached to a thorny vine. That had come out of him? But then why did he still feel like something was in his chest? Hanahaki was over when the victim threw up the whole flower, right?

“That’s one of them,” Logan examined the flower while Janus wiped at Remus’s mouth and face. Remus was far too tired to push him away. “If my theory is correct... there are five more still in him. He had six different colored petals in the lump I examined...”

Six flowers? Six?! Damn, Remus did not do things in halves...

“But how did he cough this flower up?” Roman asked. “Does... does he love Thomas?”

Thomas couldn’t help but stare at Remus curiously. He... he certainly didn’t have romantic feelings for Remus.

Logan appeared to be thinking hard, still looking at the flower.

“Not in the way we think,” he finally said. “I think... this was a flower the resulted in Remus’s platonic love for Thomas. He loves Thomas as he would a valued family member. When Thomas realized that he loves Remus back in the same way, Remus was forced to regurgitate the flower...”

“He’s suffering from Hanahaki... from platonic love?” Roman said slowly.

It made him feel all the more guilty. His brother was so starved for affection that even platonic love seemed like such an unobtainable dream.

But wait... if Remus wanted platonic love, then there was hope for him.

Right?

**Author's Note:**

> If you like this story, please comment. Also, if anyone wants to make fanart or share the link for this fic, you are all welcome to do so.


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